A good formula for a good day with family is Work, Serve, Play.
Or with friends for that matter.
At times you will want to hit just one or the other. That big vacation trip, that big home remodel that just has to be done. But for an ordinary weekend or random day off, Work, Serve, Play is an excellent formula. Try to do at least two of the three.
Work—by this we mean family work. In other words, working together on the same project. Yardwork, gardening, wood splitting, cleaning, whatever it is, but everybody is involved and working together. Your goal is not just to do the work. If it were, efficiency means you would probably just do the work yourself, pay someone, or split chores up. But your goal is to get the work done plus build up your family, so efficiency means doing it together. People were meant to be productive; experiencing the family unit being productive as a unit is a critical experience that you should try to have often.
You may be impressed with how well your family works when you are all pitching in on the same project. It will half feel like play.
With younger kids, yes, put them to work too. The average American calibration about what kind of work kids can do at what age is off by about 4 to 5 years. Even quite young children can be genuinely helpful at young ages if you look for something they can do. In yard care, picking up sticks, for example. The more they feel like they are contributing and like they are doing something everyone else is, the better it will go. They lack stamina though. You may need to give them a break if the work project is more than 30 minutes to an hour.
Note: saying that kids don’t like working is like saying that lungs hurt when you breathe. Yes, both can be true, but in both cases it means something has gone wrong. Young children especially love working with their Dad and Mom on something and you should get them involved in jointly working with you to do basic household chores like washing dishes or watering plants as much as you possibly can.
With older kids on the family work, you will need to resist their impulse to go listen to their own music with earbuds in, and to resent the inefficiency of the youngers. Tell them why you are doing it the way you are, and then stick to your guns. Music or an audio book help a lot. Singing together, having someone read out loud, or playing some kind of verbal game helps more.
Of course projects that fit with your family identity are great. For example, maybe everyone is involved with mucking out the coop because you are a family that takes healthy eating very seriously. But the important thing is the project, be it small or large.
Serve—again, we mean service as a family. Small or big, find somebody or something to help. Service is a good thing by itself but it also reinforces your family ties. Helping outside your family makes your family feel bigger, broader, and more abundant than if you just focused inwardly. There is so much rot in the standard family model that by necessity your steader family model is going to make your kids feel pretty different. Service helps that difference feel worthwhile instead of resented.
Note: many families have done great at raising their kids in a unique family concept, only to have the children reject it all when they reach adulthood. Normally the kids report that their upbringing felt narrow and constrictive. The way to avoid this problem is NOT to step back from your family rules and distinct family organization. The way is to to make the distinctive experience of being in your family something that feels really good. You should naturally be more joyous than the Disney-watching cheeto eaters, not less
Service is socially reinforced by our society, feels good personally, and helps hone the idea of working for others that is necessary for a family to function.
Like with the work, it can be large or small. Something as simple as stopping by to visit with an elderly neighbor will do (bringing a pie with you is optional). Notice that service to neighbors helps build the neighborstead while also building the family.
Play—as a family. It can be small, like a bike ride or waterfight on an otherwise busy day. Big is fine too. Don’t overplan.
When you put this all together, there is no reason you shouldn’t feel yourself glow.
Case Study:
We’re taking Monday off from school and employment (mostly). We sat in a family council and planned it out. We are going to start with breaking down a heap of debris wood into twigs and kindling, followed by finishing up taking down the last of the Christmas decorations, followed by a house cleaning. Moving from one project to another keeps the kids going better than if we worked one project for three hours. Lunch will be a picnic in the park. In the afternoon we have some cleaning we can do for an old lady up the street. Then we are going to split for individual projects.