A guy knocked on the door today asking for donations for the local swimming pool.
So, I gave him a glass of water.
We have two case studies today for you. Two looks at forming a deep-rooted, rich, and lasting family culture (plus one bonus).
But first, a sidebar on regenerative familiculture.
You know about regenerative agriculture. Its true husbandry. Growing grass and crops and cows and ducks in a way that makes your soil and your environment (and your humans) happier and healthier. A focus on the health of what you own instead of the numbers of what you produce.
One of the Steader themes is that permaculture and regenerative agriculture have pioneered great ways of understanding and replenishin complex living systems; the ways are even more powerful when they are applied to complex living systems like multi-generational families. Yet people hesitate to apply them, even people who should know better.
Which is precisely one of the things that permaculture is supposed to fix! Plants and livestock and people and customs and ideas don't all fit neatly each into their own little box. They interact!
Think about monocrop industrial agriculture. Now, think about how many trends today are pushing us toward a society of bland interchangeable people with mass produced identities, without roots, doused in chemicals, spending our whole lives at the mercy of large managerial forces beyond ken and control, mercilessly exploited, and in an increasingly barren social landscape. The underlying drivers and managerial shortsightedness are usually the same. We do not think it is a coincidence that consumer agri-culture and consumer social culture are so alike.
A healthy society needs healthy and diverse families that have their own principles of growth. Real families--families that are multigenerational. Families that are regenerative--that make society stronger and deeper by virtue of their existence and that replenish themselves generation after generation.
That is the kind of family you want to live in. That is the only kind of family capable of carrying on your vision and thriving in the natal desert that the modern world has become.
It’s a grand vision. You as the founder of a trend-defying, burgeoning clan, that first replenishes itself and then reaches out to heal the world.
It’s a grand vision, but first you have to do the work.
It is simpler and more fun than you think.
Let's dive right in nyuk nyuk.
Case Study 1:
This nuclear family has a family emphasis on health and natural beauty. (A good example of something distinctive that nonetheless gets power from the larger culture (or in more technical terms, is reinforced by the general cultural memeplex). They eat well, they all have good skin, and they are all reasonably fit. It is a very attractive family.
They also believe in getting good sun and reinforce this belief with their children. When the weather permits, a sick child is very likely to find themselves on the trampoline stripped down to their undies or a bathing suit for a dose of solar medicine. The parents do it too. Managing sun exposure is something the family takes for granted--you don't want to get burnt, you don't want to ruin your complexion, but of course you need plenty of sun in your life.
Getting some sun doesn't receive as much reinforcement from the larger culture as health and beauty do. But there is some. There is the vestigial idea that getting outside is good for you, there are plenty of images in the culture of laughing young people frolicking on the beach. The culture does reinforce this aspect of the family's identity indirectly: the culture value having a good tan and the golden tan you can get through good outdoor time is still heads and shoulders above the tanning bed variety.
There is also direct reinforcement. Sunlight feels good. The immediate physical reward makes "getting some sun" a family belief that has power.
When the parents were just starting out and had just a couple of small children, they lived in various apartment buildings with pools and would be out there nearly every evening in the summer.
Now, they have a family pass to their working-class community's outdoor pool. Three to four times a week dad will come home from work and grab whoever is available to go splash around for an hour until the pool closes at 6:30. A few times they have gone when there has only been 20 minutes left. It made everyone feel silly and whimsical. It was fun, the family was laughing about their quixotic quest to squeeze in just a bit of pool time.
They get sun, they splash around, and have a good time.
But there's more. Being at the pool frequently as a family lets them see how the family emphasis on health and quality food has helped them. They get compliments from other people on how good looking their family is and on how much fun they seem to be having. This reinforces for everyone the family identity.
Health and beauty are great identities in themselves for sound practical reasons. Let's be blunt. Healthy people are more able to have kids and raise them. Good looking people are happier and more likely to get married to a good spouse. Those are just facts--a regenerative familiculturalist can't afford to hide truths under pleasantries. The family fun makes continuing the family seem more appealing to the kids.
But there are also knock-on effects. Later, when the parents say, 'in this family, we don't watch this kind of media' or 'we don't let kids have smart phones' or 'we expect grandkids' or 'we are in by 10,' those pronouncements borrow a good deal of power from those afternoons splashing in the sun.
Parents must exercise authority; that is one foundational principle of strong families. Another is that esprit de corps is a cheat code for the smooth exercise of authority
Modesty: maintaining some distance from mainstream sexual ethics is a fundamental. If rejecting sterility is the only difference between your family sexual ethic and the mainstream one, you don’t have a sustainable difference. The distinction is small enough that it will collapse.
Modesty is one easy difference to maintain. If you do add fun-and-sun beach or pool to your family culture, you will need to think carefully about how you will tie it into your modesty ethic if at all. One-pieces need a little more thoughtfulness in their selection to be attractive. Tankinis are also an option.
Case Study 2 :
This family has a backyard pool, and a little ramada which they have made into the neighborhood hangout with a grill and lawn games and even lawn darts until they figured they had pushed their luck enough. They invite people over all the time. Their teenagers and the teenagers’ friends hang out at the pool pretty often. On average at least once a week the parents have friends over for an evening cookout or a daytime barbecue poolside. They are famous for their playlists. During the day the mom invites younger mothers and their younger kids over to splash around. The kids have a great time while the mothers can chat and have some adult company.
The family is great hosts. Sometimes people will just call and ask to come over, usually the family will say yes. Sometime people just drop by.
There is technique to being a great host. There are hosting skills that can be learned. It can be as simple as making entertainment suggestions when the fun flags, offering food and drinks when needed, and looking around to see who isn't talking. But this isn't for everyone--not everyone has a pool, not everyone gets energized from social functiions.
For those who do, being a host and being the "fun family" with the "fun house" is magic. Everything about your family is being socially reinforced. In every anthropology, hosting is inherently high status behavior. The family gets away with a lot of being the “weird” family who don’t let their kids go crazy on movies and screens because they are also the “cool” family.
Bonus:
A small HOA with a pool. The people who go there know each other. The pool has become the summertime focus of neighborhood activity. Teens from HOA families are the lifeguards. They do swimming lessons for HOA families. Two of the lifeguards married each other. This neighborhood has an identity, largely because of the pool. The neighborhood identities and the family identities reinforce each other.
Water makes a decent cement ... for people structures.